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Another afternoon had fallen over the clinic, the morning bustle turned sleepy lull. In the waiting area, the patients seemed more sedate than I’d come to expect on such days.

Perfumes mingled in the air and dissipated with every opening of the door as patients or their companions entered or left, ignoring as best they could the protesters in the parking lot.

I was invited to leave the front desk and enter the small hallway where a doctor and certified nursing assistant stood, focused on a tray situated on a countertop in front of them.

I was told to put on a blue paper smock, paper mitts, and a mask. My fingers felt unsure touching the crinkly paper.

“This one’s about nine weeks.” The doctor studied and turned over the little bits of blood and matter in the tray with an instrument. Our very pregnant CNA took notes.

I observed the fetus as it was surveyed and reported—all the parts of a fetus needing accounting, because fetal matter left in the woman’s uterus can cause complications. The doctor’s voice brought me back as she suggested that I’d be a good candidate to help with noting fetal measurements on future abortion days.

I was the receptionist at the only feminist women’s health care facility that offered abortion in my adopted county in the Pacific Northwest. To me, this was a pro-choice activist’s dream job. The fact that the job offer came just five days after I myself had traveled a couple of counties away for an abortion just made the job seem ever more appropriate, possibly fated.

I embarked on my activist dream job in earnest. Now I was looking at the remains of a fetus in a tray with a sense of awe I couldn’t yet place.

There are photos of me holding a megaphone, standing in the gazebo of our downtown park. After the march from the Capitol building to the rally itself, the last thing I wanted to do was travel to the west side of town for what would be my first pregnancy test ever. Later that afternoon, I left behind a urine sample at the HMO clinic and was told I could call for the results after four.

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